Today in Biznessssssss...

I came across an article that was interesting. The idea of the article is that there are a number of businesses that will probably disappear in a year or two. It was interesting to me, because I have no business sense... but I'm familiar with nearly every business that was listed. Go figure. Anyway, here is the list. Enjoy the businesses while they are still around.

**Note - I'm no business analyst, so don't put any stock into anything that is about to be said.**

1) XM Satellite - No surprise. I don't know a single person who has an XM radio. Snoop Dogg's cartoon with the gold tooth couldn't help them a while ago, and nothing can save them now. In the meantime, go buy yourself a Sirius radio, and tell Howard Stern I said hi.

2) E*Trade - Don't know anything about stocks. Don't know anything about internet stock brokers. Don't know anything about trading stocks through an internet broker. Next.

3) K-Mart - You know who this one will hurt the most? Martha Stewart. Where is she going to sell her bedsheets and doilies if K-Mart disappears?

4) Dodge - This is no surprise either. When people talk about their cars, what do you hear?

"Yeah... that's a nice Chevy."

"Does that Honda really get that kind of mileage?"

Here's something you never hear...

"Can't wait to cruise in my Dodge."

The last time you heard that was when Al Bundy pimped his hoopty Dodge to its millionth mile. The new Dodge Chargers are pretty hot, but I'd rather be driving other cars. Besides... it's a Dodge.

5) Circuit City - I don't know anything about Circuit City. I've never been in one, and the ones I have heard about were pretty ghetto. And Best Buy has always been good to me. If Circuit City disappears, I wouldn't care at all. Although I may show up during their "going out of business" sale and see if I can get a 100 inch TV for 50 bucks.

6) Gateway - They still make Gateway computers?

7) Vonage - You know what I'll miss most about Vonage? The commercials. Those things were funny. And on top of that, their music stuck in your head for too d*mn long.

WOO HOO! WOO HOO HOO!

8) Yahoo! - The thing about Yahoo is that it won't completely disappear. Microsoft is planning on buying out Yahoo. Do you know what that means?

BILL GATES WILL OWN PEOPLE'S THOUGHTS!!!

That's right! He already owns your main operating system! Now he'll own the place where we talk! All of the words typed on 360 will be the property of one of the richest men on the planet! How do you think they'll like that?!?!

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

9) Old Navy - Okay... this one would hurt a little bit. Old Navy is a good brand made for cheap b*st*rds like me. It's the only name brand that I will happily wear. If Old Navy disappears, life will still be okay. Steve and Barry's makes good, cheap clothes. And if they get expensive, I have no problem bringing back the loin cloth. Would that be considered retro?

10) Countrywide - I can't even joke about Countrywide. They deserve to disappear. They are a big reason the housing situation is the way it is across the country. F*ck Countrywide. Next.

11) Motorola - Motorola makes some nice toys... they also made my life hell when I worked with them through a state contract (long story). You know who else makes nice toys? LG and Samsung. It's been a nice ride. Time for the next generation.