Fakes, Phonies, and Borderline Racists (Venting Time!)

Today could've been a day where I threw my boss out a second story window... but I didn't do it.

I wanted to... but I didn't.

I wanted to do it, because he said some sh*t that he shouldn't have. And it's the second time in a week where someone I worked with said some sh*t. And it's only my fourth week.

The first time (which actually followed a series of times not directed to me but said around me), my co-worker called me "dawg." It happened so quickly that I didn't know what to say or how to respond. So I didn't. She also says "nahmean?" and "word." And she is one of the whitest people I know. She speaks the Queen's English and listens to the B-52s. The ONLY person she talks like that around is ME. She clearly feels like she has to adjust her normal grammar around the black guy. The most recent time she got me was when we worked together on a project and made it through successfully a lot quicker than we thought. I said "Hell yeah!" She said the same. Then she put her hand out to me to give me dap. And I did it back without thinking about it! DAMMIT! So before I had a chance to let it digest, I asked her if she says the same things around me that she does to everyone else. She said "Of course!" I challenged her on that, and she got the idea and said she'd watch that next time. Today, we were free and clear of any of that sh*t. Cool.

Today was a different challenge. My melanin-deficient boss decided to come out of his office and socialize with us. We were talking about another co-worker's car. Apparently, he drives one of those Scion cars that is shaped like a toaster. And not only that, but the thing is lime green too. My boss said something about the co-worker being secure enough in his manhood to drive it. I said I'd never drive something like that. He said, "Not unless it has some 22s on it, huh?" And he busts out laughing. I looked at my co-workers and they nervously laughed as I did. HE thought he just told the greatest joke on the planet and walked off. So I followed him into his office.

I asked him why he said that. He said he thought it was funny and asked if I did too. I asked him if he would've said anything like that to a co-worker... maybe one of the two white females I worked with. He said no, and I asked him why not. He didn't answer. I told him that I have two college degrees, have been a professional in the field for four years, talks just like he does, and even has the same eclectic music taste he does. I asked him what made him think that kind of joke would fly with me. Again, no answer. Before the silence got too awkward, I told him that I'm not angry, but his joke was a bit racist and he needs to keep it to himself. He apologized that I was offended and didn't see how it could've been racist. I told him that the day that he, his wife, or any of the others in our office drives on 22s, THEN it wouldn't be racist. But reserving those jokes for the black guy is. Again, he apologized, but this time, he said that maybe it was out of line and it won't happen again. I thanked him, and left.

Now this situation could've been a lot worse. I really wanted to take my keyboard and smack him in his grill with it. And not only because of what he said... I just have a problem with people who act differently with one person than they would another... because of a PERCEIVED difference. And I've always gotten along better with people who are true to themselves, no matter how dorky or ugly they might be. Here's an example.

Justin Timberlake gets on my m*thaf*ckin nerves. It's not that his music is bad... actually, it is pretty terrible. But it's that he's a fake. He's a phony. He'll walk around sounding like what he THINKS black people should sound like, because he thinks that's cool. How do I know that he's a fake? Watch the video of what happened when he was got Punk'd:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-14EtDvp3w




DAMN!!! A person who thinks he's thugged out won't lose his thuggishness when he's scared! He called his mama and started to cry!!! WHAT THE F*CK?!

Now his former partner in crime, JC Chasez is a cool dude! Have you seen him on America's Best Dance Crew? He wears some of the ugliest sh*t on the planet! He's like the male Paula Abdul! He wears ugly bowties and ugly shirts... but the best part is that he is totally comfortable wearing it! You know good and well that he wore that before the cameras were rolling and after they stopped. Now THAT is someone that is comfortable in his own skin. THAT is someone who is going to treat everyone the same! I could see Justin Tims saying anything that my co-workers did and then changing it up to socialize with someone else... I don't see JC rolling like that though... and that's a GOOD thing!

Blessings for the Penis

How many people know who the guy is in the picture above? Don't worry. No one can see you if you do.

For those that don't know, his born name is Clifton Todd Britt. Mr. Britt is a graduate of Syracuse University, a member of Omega Psi Phi fraternity, and was smart enough to land a spot as a stock broker within six months of graduating from college. He even did some modeling and acting in small parts on the side. But that wasn't making the ends meet.

This educated brotha decided to take his chances and move from the east coast to the west coast in pursuit of greater acting possibilities. And that is exactly what he found. Mr. Britt cashed in on his good looks and his LARGE personality (oh yeah... and his 11 x 7 incher) and gave himself the stage name that you may recognize as Lexington Steele.

I say the guy is smart, but he REALLY is a smart dude - he has a very keen business sense. He started in porn acting, but he is now also a director and producer of his movies. What does that mean? It means he stars in some of his movies, he picks who is "acting" in them, he guides the movie as he sees fit, he controls how his image is portrayed, and he's making serious bucks from the porn world.

Why am I focusing on his brains?

Because he said something that he clearly thought long and hard about (no pun intended). I came across a quote of his that has me really wondering about some things.

One of the things about Mr. Britt/Mr. Steele is that he is not only intelligent, but he's deeply religious. He grew up in a Baptist household and carries his religious beliefs with him everyday, in regards to being a believer AND a porn star. Check out one of his statements:

"Yes, I am religious. I am Christian, Baptist. I grew up in as close to a Cosby-show lifestyle as you can get. Doing porno, on a repeated basis, I am committing Coitus interruptus like Onan. I'm not married, so I'm fornicating for a living. I'm paid to have sex, which means what? I'm prostituting by definition. These are things I have to reckon with my God on a daily basis. I knowingly do these things.

"My decision to do porno has forced me to take my religion within. Because of my job I am stronger in my relationship with God, because now I take God with me everywhere I go; if I don't, I'll fail. I didn't know that God blessed me with an abnormally large penis that allows me to make porno. But I feel blessed. I believe I am blessed because I am meant to please one woman for the rest of our lives together. True, I haven't met her yet."

He also said this:

"People who are spiritual, like myself, we carry our spirituality inside of ourselves. I don't believe any institution has any hierarchy on my personal relationship with God. I have been blessed with physical attributes that have allowed me to provide entertainment. What I do is not illegal, so I am not at odds with anything. I'm not married so I am not committing adultery. If I be damned for fornication, then I am no much unlike then the billions of people who walk this earth today."

Wow.

Here's my interpretation of what Mr. Steele just said. He said that he knows and believes he is meant to please one woman, but because he's blessed with a big penis, he's going to use it to entertain. He also said that if he's fornicating, he's just like billions of others... which almost sounds like the "everyone else is doing it, so I'll do it too" argument.

(I'm not sure, but didn't God strike down cities that were guilty of fornication? To me, that's a sign that says that if you believe, you shouldn't whip it out for money or for free. But that's me. And that's not the point.)

Mr. Steele is even more astonishing, because, given his degree, looks, and previous career doing other things, it's not like he didn't have options. He could've done ANYTHING, but made the clear and conscious decision to make his money in the sex industry.

I don't find this much different from the music artist who raps about the love of drugs, hoes, and guns... and then thanks God for hooking them up with awards and prizes. It almost seems like a justification of a lifestyle. They have physical and mental attributes that will help them make money. And because they have the attributes and are using them a lot, God must have wanted it to be that way.

So here are my questions... Do you think that Mr. Britt/Mr. Steele and others use God to justify inappropriate actions, or are they all right? To what extent should a belief in a higher power influence an occupation and what a person does to keep the bills paid and stay alive? Maybe one of these days, I'll have an answer... but today, I'll just think about it and revisit later...

Why I Celebrated Independence Day

I know, in advance, that not everyone is going to agree with this list. That said, here goes...

Every year, I get frustrated by Independence Day. I don't get frustrated with the holiday itself, but because of the significant number of people who decide to rail against the country on the 4th of July. It's not just black people who do it... it's a good portion of the Spanish speaking population, the Asian community, and the Native American/Indian community. The arguments are pretty much the same across the board... black people were slaves when the country was "freed", so we shouldn't celebrate it. White people gave it the old college try to eliminate Mexicans, Indians, and Asians from the planet and got pretty close with the Indians.

Those are ALL valid points. However...

Nearly every holiday that celebrates races other than whites have never been widely celebrated by races outside of whites, but non-whites are the first to b*tch about the evils of Independence Day. The question that I always have is one that has yet to be answered...

If America is that evil, where else would you rather be? If you'd rather be somewhere else that you consider "better", why not go?

If you have that much of a problem with Independence Day, why not do your best to go to work instead, and stop taking part in our nationwide grilling of chicken, pigs, and cows?

Keep in mind, I am no patriot. I don't have a flag posted in my front yard. I'm not going to rip other people for saying their country is better than ours. Hell, I don't even like baseball or apple pie. I do, however, appreciate the fact that, at this point in time, we (as in everyone, not just black people) enjoy a lot of things that can't be enjoyed in other countries. So here we go... my own personal top 10 reasons to love the US of A (in no particular order).

1) Freedom of Speech - George Bush is a c*ck s*cking m*therf*cker! If his face was on fire, I wouldn't p*ss on it to put it out! F*ck him and the horse he rode in on that his daddy gave him!

Now I might have meant every word of that. I might have said it just for shock value. You might love that I said it. You might delete me from your list. But I have every right to say that without going to jail for it. I have every right to say that without having to worry about being executed for railing against the government. Folks, that's an American thing and it has been for a couple hundred years. Don Imus had every right to call the Rutgers basketball team a bunch of nappy-headed hos, but we also had the right to force him out of his job because of it. Had he said something that heated about government officials in other countries that aren't interested in freedom of speech...

2) Diversity - Black, White, Red, Yellow, Brown. Gay, straight, everything in between. Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Atheist, and every other religion. We're all here. We may not be able to co-exist in some places, but we are here. There are no government rules or regulations saying that you can't be who you are or worship in a non-Christian way. Gotta love America.

3) Stability - Pop quiz. Name one country whose government has not been overthrown in the last 200+ years? Answer: The United States.

Name another...

Answer: Other than Antarctica, there isn't another.

As frustrating as it may be, the country's foundation exists, because it works. It moves at a snail's pace, and it has for hundreds of years. If the country were based on movement toward radical views during tragic times, we wouldn't be as free to express and enjoy ourselves as we are right now.

4) Food - What can I say? Italian food is great. Mexican is great. But I love my hamburgers and New England clam chowder. Barbeque makes my taste buds have orgasms. Life doesn't get much better than Cajun and Creole dishes. I'll eat everything else, but I'll always come back to good, old fashioned American food.

5) Music - Speaking of things that are all-American, rap is an all-American musical genre. It was invented here, and it's worldwide. It's impossible to hear some dude in France trying to rap without calling him a wannabe with too much time on his hands. Country and Blues are also American genres too. The BB Kings and Ray Charleses that sang about how terrible the country is still celebrated Independence Day... and they probably had it a lot worse than any of us did.

6) Attorneys - This one tickles me every time. Only in America can you find an attorney to help you sue a restaurant for making their coffee hot. Only in America can you find thousands of attorneys that will help you get out of jail for killing twenty people AFTER you left letters and pictures saying you did it. This country has more attorneys than the rest of the world combined... and there is absolutely no fear of over-saturation in the legal field. In this country, nearly everything can be defended and nearly everything can be legally prosecuted. Hmmm... maybe I went into the wrong business...

7) Sports - Football is the biggest sport in this country... at least right now. Other than Canada, no other country has their own football league (World League doesn't count, because it was founded by the NFL). NASCAR is quickly climbing as the second biggest American sport... and NASCAR, like the NFL, was invented here. America has the MLB for baseball, and is arrogant enough to call the winner of the season the World Series Champs (it only plays against American and Canadian teams. On top of that, America got spanked in the Baseball World Cup... so you have to kind of be amused by the level of arrogance... but that's besides the point). Because I'm such a football fan, I have to love America even more for broadcasting college football, pro football, arena football, some Canadian football games, and even high school games.

8) Entertainment - I'm sorry, but I think the country would be a lot different if we didn't have shows like Springer, Maury, and any of the seemingly hundreds of judge shows on television... and not necessarily in a good way. In short, America loves smut. I watch smut. I hate myself for watching it, and I feel my braincells dying when I watch it. But it's still entertaining. I don't know a lot about the smut levels in other countries, but it's just right for the US of A.

9) Holidays - Memorial Day, Labor Day, Lincoln's Birthday, Columbus Day, Independence Day, and MLK Jr Day are all nationally recognized holidays... and those are just the ones that are ON the calendar! Whether people like them or hate them, they STILL celebrate them! On top of that, people actually celebrate smaller "holidays" like Arbor Day and Elvis's birthday. America is a partying country, and we'll make up any reason to have a party dammit!

10) Technology - There aren't very many countries that are ahead of us in the technological field. Our tech expertise allows me to tell you why I love this country, and it allows you to tell me why I'm right or wrong. It allows me to broadcast my reasons on CBS if I wanted to, and it allows me to use my Blackberry to send this blog to each of you.

So those are my ten reasons to love being here. I could've thought of more reasons, but 10 seems to be the perfect number. No, black people weren't represented when Independence Day was originally a concept. But we have the freedoms now. And we can tell the government how we feel to make it an even better country. And that's a lot more independence than in other countries. Now excuse me while I finish off the holiday weekend with more burgers and Budweiser.

The World Without You

I just finished reading the book The World Without Us, by Alan Weisman, for the second time. It's not often that I read a new book twice, back to back, but this one needed it. It's one of the deepest books I've read in a long time, and it took me a couple readings to really understand where he was going. Once I did that, the book became even more incredible.

The premise of the book is to imagine a world without human life... not from the beginning of time, but from right now. Imagine if people somehow vanished from Earth. What would happen to the planet? That question is what Weisman answers throughout. Clearly, the book is entirely hypothesis... BUT the "answers" are based on Weisman's vast scientific background, as well as the research provided by others. In answering the question, he wonders about species of plants and animals that are extinct, close to extinct, and currently in perfect condition. He wonders about the decomposition of man-made materials and infrastructure. He takes into account global warming and even a belief in God/s. I HIGHLY recommend the book to anyone who is interested in books based on theory and research.

That said, after reading the book, I went off in a different direction. What would the world be like without ME? The answer is a pretty far reaching one, and I'll blog about that another time. But think about this for a minute...

What would the world be like without YOU?

Most of the time, people think about what they'd like to do with their lives, but not many people think about how their own personal stamp on the world would be felt if they no longer existed. So think for a minute... think about all of the people you have met; your job; your dreams; your kids, family, and friends; the things you have already done in your life...

If you were to just disappear tomorrow and life continued with the things you have done but without your presence and project that out... what would the world that you left be like? What would happen to all of the things listed above if you were no longer here? How would your personal stamp on the planet look tomorrow? 1-5 years from now? 10 years? 50-100 years? When thinking about this, try to have some fun with it!

Feel free to comment on this one. I'm still digesting this...

Oh yeah... for more information on the author and the book, click the link/s below.

http://www.worldwithoutus.com/index2.html

http://www.worldwithoutus.com/did_you_know.html

My Weird Co-Worker (When Cheating Isn't Cheating??)

So yesterday was the second day of my new job. I have two co-workers who talk a lot, which is good. However, one talks too much about things most people wouldn't talk about to someone they have known for just a couple hours.

For the sake of conversation, we'll call the co-workers Myra and MB. I'm sitting at my desk, and I hear Myra talking to MB. I'm not paying a bit of attention to the conversation... I'm off in my own world studying some finance documents. Then I hear Myra saying my name... once... then twice... I figured she didn't realize I was ignoring her, so I turned around after the third time. Then she tells me that she feels like she needs to tell me something, so I can understand conversations and I don't think she's a total hooch. (Yes, she said hooch. But MB says words like "anywhooski," so I'm numb to that sh*t already).

Myra continues and tells me that her husband has two kids, age 15 and 11, that live in Honduras. Lately, he has been expressing a strong desire to go back to Honduras. Because of this desire, along with his lack of interest in having any more kids, the two are going through an annullment (they're Catholic). Now this is where it gets weird.

She goes on to say that even though they are getting divorced, they are still really good friends that live together. So since they are good friends, she's seeing other people and currently has a boyfriend. Her husband doesn't know she has a boyfriend, and she is NEVER going to tell him that she has one. But she has one nonetheless.

So I was a little ummmm... surprised by this. And of course, I have questions. My first one is if she has a boyfriend, and she's living with her husband, what do they do when they wanna get down. But since I don't know her like that, I didn't ask her. But I did ask her if she thought it was cheating, and she said no. She said it's not cheating, because even though they live together and are still married, they aren't together. And because they aren't together, it's not cheating even if it's happening under his nose.

So I'm biting my tongue so hard it's starting to bleed. I stop biting and ask her a question. "Since you're seeing someone, it's okay for him to start doing his thing too, right?"

She looks me dead in the eye and says "If he started seeing someone else, I'd probably kill him."

I turned back to my computer and focused my attention elsewhere.

Yeah...

So basically, she acknowledged she's still in a relationship, but happily is involved with someone else. She took a lot of time to say why it's not cheating, but also said that she wouldn't tolerate that from her guy. And she's known me for two working days. And she told me that so that I wouldn't think she was a hooch when she was talking about a guy other than hubby.

Wow.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned at the ripe old age of 30. But....

If it takes you more than 3 minutes to put together a "logical" explanation of why it's not cheating, it's cheating.

If you feel like you have to hide some shit from your significant other that happened while you were with your significant other, it's cheating.

If you wouldn't allow your significant other to do the same sh*t you're doing, it's cheating.

Am I wrong on this? Does this girl have some serious issues, or am I too old-school?

On top of that, would you tell a co-worker that you don't know from a can of paint some sh*t like that??

Today was my third day at work, and I already know this is going to be interesting.

My 80s (Throwback)

There was a show that I saw on TV not too long ago that was talking about the music that defined a decade. It was definitely one of the more interesting shows, as music makes my world go around. However, I did notice something that didn't seem completely correct...

I was born in 1978. That means that I pretty much grew up in the 80s. The show said that the 80s were defined by Cindi Lauper, Madonna, The Bengals, the B-52s. Neon clothes and big hair defined the styles used in videos. All of it, to be sure, did define part of the 80s.

But not my 80s.

What do I mean?

I think I was meant to be an 80s rapper. That's what I mean.
See, while the show focused on the music that was playing in the burbs, my friends and I were wearing running suits and tennis shoes with no laces in them. When I was in elementary school, I used to hang with a bunch of dudes that called themselves the FMC (long story). Our "crew" had four people. Me, Duane, Cebo, and David. David used to carry a big platform. Cebo carried the boombox on his shoulder, and I carried the bag full of D batteries. Duane was the one with the jheri curl that could dance better than any of us. We'd walk up and down the street layin out the platform and trying to out-breakdance each other. And every now and then, other crews would want to battle. At the end of the day, we'd either win or lose, then learn or teach some new moves to the other crews. I really didn't have coordination to do any "choreography" but the moves I could do, no one could do it better. The backspin and the windmill. I could do them all day without throwing up. I could get my body to jump a foot off the ground in the middle of a spin. I was the KING of those moves.

The music that was coming out of our boombox? It sure as hell wasn't Peter Gabriel or The Police. Nothing against them. Try Cool J. Afrika Bambaata. Ice-T. Run DMC. Beastie Boys. As terrible as they may be, we spent most of our time copying the moves we saw on Krush Groove, Beat Street, and Breakin (and of course, Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo). That's the music that defined us. That's the music that defined our generation. That's the music that isn't counted as part of the 80s generation - rather, it's seen as a subtext and categorized ONLY as old school rap.

I'll admit that I'm so much a part of the 80s rap scene, that I can't stop listening now. I mean I can go to a club and get my groove on to pretty much anything they play. But when I get back in my car, I'm popping in a Cool J or Run DMC CD. Seriously. That's the music I connect to. I'm okay with Jay Z. But I'm REALLY down with Grandmaster Flash, or Doug E Fresh. I don't care about Sean John clothes, but give me a Kangol and four finger ring and I'll rock that all day and night!

Now excuse me while I go outside with some Eric B and Rakim. Time to take some suckas to school.

Why I'm Worried About Barack

Sorry it's been a while since the last blog. Some things have been going on that have kept me off the pages. However, I do have a few thoughts, and I'm not sure if they are shared.

We're still high on Barack Obama being the presumptive nominee (it's the same title that McCain has right now). And with very good reason. He's the first black dude to get the spot. He's been a hell of a uniter since he hit the campaign trail a while ago. He brings a lot of energy and common sense that the administration has been lacking.

But I'm worried about him. Seriously.

My biggest concern is his safety. The country has a tendency to rid itself of our great black leaders. I don't think I even have to go into names here. Barack is now the face of the Democratic party, and, while he has a lot of support across the country, he has to battle against a bunch of people who would rather not see him there. Just like our other black leaders. I think we have come pretty d*mn far to get him his seat at the table, but his seat should come with a bulletproof vest and extra security guards too. That might seem a little dramatic, but we have never had anyone in this position. And when black leaders get close... so I'm worried.

I'm also worried that he gets to deal with the "first" syndrome. Here's what I mean by that. Say Obama gets elected as President. He'll officially be the first black President. Well, if you're the first black anything, you have to be more successful than just about everyone that came before you. In his case, he has to fix Iraq, the economy, education, and health care. He has to do that where a good portion of the administration and country may not be interested in supporting him. If he can do it, that will be great. He will have cleaned up one of the biggest messes in recent history. But if he can't, that would likely mean that no black person would get elected president for the next fifty years after that. Would you really want to carry weight that heavy? Is he up for that task? Or am I being overly dramatic again?

Is he really up for the job? Is the guy who was once defeated for a House of Representatives spot and a current rookie on Capitol Hill really up for the job?

Don't get me wrong. I am definitely supportive of him. But I'm worried.